Hey kids,

Just a quick note to let you know that my first post for Smartly Chicago is up today! You should head over there, check out my post and leave me some love or hate (I prefer love, but hate is okay too). Also check out the first two posts (which are hilarious) since the site just launched on Tuesday.

Enjoy!

During a recent doctor's appointment, my doctor mentioned she thinks my blood pressure is a bit on the high side. Not high as in I'm about to have a heart attack and die or anything, but kind of borderline high.

She blamed my birth control. And then asked if I would consider getting off it. To which I replied "I'd rather risk a stroke at this point than a baby." I'm not sure she thought I was serious. Of course, I do not want to have a stroke, or a heart attack, or a baby. But, being the good little attorney that I am, I went home and did some research.

Googling birth control methods yields all sorts of ridiculous suggestions such as using condoms and withdrawal. I did come across something useful - the "which method is right for me" test on the Planned Parenthood website. After taking the test these were their suggestions, in order, that I was given for my preferred birth control method:

1. IUD
   
2. Sterilization
3. Vasectomy

Seriously, it's shocking how well they know me. Who made up this test? A genius. That's who. So really, I'm just left with one question:

Can Plan B actually just be my Plan A?

Conversation with my complicated lesbian Facebook relationship with the lovely Lola Lakely (and Blunt Brit - hence the "complicated" part) on Lola's FB page:

Me: Hey! Our two month anniversary is in two days!! You are officially my longest relationship ever. How shall we celebrate on Saturday?

Lola: By having a pillow fight in our underwear with vodka?

Me: Hmm, kind of thought that was a given - but if we throw in a fan or two to blow around the feathers I'm sure it would make it more anniversary-like and special.

Lola: Every day with you is like an anniversary.

Brit: Don't forget singing to each other into hairbrushes.

Lola: Ohhh, can we please, please please have one of those makeover montages, where we change into different outfits to the sounds of 80s music, until FINALLY we settle on the perfect dress?

Me: I vote Monster Ballads.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Saturday afternoon I will be picking Lola up from the airport, then Brit will join us for a beautiful evening together.

The sad part of this weekend story is that I have been vetoed from attending a family event on Sunday morning. A's baby is being baptized on Sunday and since I've had a fairly high fever since I got back to town I am not allowed to be around babies and old people. I haven't even met the little guy yet, and the last thing I want to do is be responsible for giving him some horrible disease I may be carrying. My sister has already banned me from being around my nephew. Though I'm pretty sure my Grandma wouldn't mind me coming over and coughing on her since she claims "she's ready to go in her sleep." After consulting my doctor and the travel medicine clinic, it was decided that I should not attend. Missing out on a family event is basically torture if you've been reading my blog for any period of time.

Well I made it home last night. Finally. It was a hell of a trip, and one that I wouldn't change for the world, but it feel great to be home again. I never thought I would miss such small things like tap water, and doing laundry, grocery shopping or driving. But I really did - and also missed my condo, my dogs (who get picked up tomorrow from the kennel), my own food and the rest of my clothes. I didn't think the time zone change would affect me nearly as much as it did, and continues to do. Not only in the sense that I'm exhausted all the time because I can't seem to sleep when I should sleep, but because of how much easier it is to talk to friends and family without doing math to make sure they're not sleeping or working.

It was bittersweet to leave India because I loved spending time with my team there and they are so amazing and some of the most genuine people I have ever met. Every day in India was an adventure, whether it was fearing death on the highway, death by fresh tomato being snuck into my dinner, or just being trampled by the sheer amount of people. It was lovely and heartbreaking at the same time. I learned so much about the culture and the devastating poverty, but stayed in a beautiful five-star hotel. Night and day, truly a have and have-not society like you could never imagine.

London was exactly what I knew it would be - beautiful and cold. I never thought 70 degrees would feel cold to me, but after the 110+ temperatures and humidity for two weeks in India, it was more than welcome. My favorite thing about London and other areas of Europe I have visited is the history. Everything there has more history than nearly anything here in America. I took my big double-decker bus tour, then met some friends of friends for drinks Friday night. It was a great time, and I lasted as long as I possibly could with the time change. The flight yesterday was rough. Very rough.

Anyway, getting home last night felt great. I am just about done unpacking and doing laundry. I will probably be in bed again early tonight to try and kick the rest of this jet-lag. August and September are reserved for saving money and diet and detox. Seriously - I'm not kidding around this time. For real. Shit.

Made it to London! I left the hotel in New Delhi this morning at 5:30 a.m., made it to London after the 9 1/2 hour plane ride, then drive to the hotel. I'm exhausted. But I was energized once I finally made it here and got checked into my kick-ass hotel. So I went for a walk. And promptly got lost.

WTF London? What's with all these tiny little side streets? I tried to stay on the main ones so I wouldn't get lost since I was just kind of wandering aimlessly. Then I'd get distracted by a cute little shop or beautiful building and end up somewhere else entirely. I found a small bistro with some outdoor seating and had lunch - a salad and a glass of wine. Finally could eat something fresh, and something that wasn't cooked overcooked or in a curry. Don't get me wrong, I love Indian food, but I'm just a little over it right now.

Anyway, it's only 8:45 p.m. London time (Thursday), but my body clock is still on Delhi time, which makes it almost 1:30 a.m. on Friday. So I decided to take it easy tonight and just picked up a bottle of Beaujolais and some fresh fruit. Amazing how much I missed fruits and veggies. Planning on taking a bubble bath and heading to bed so I can be ready for a full day of sightseeing tomorrow on the big double-decker bus! I just kind of hope I meet a touring buddy because who else will take a goofy picture of me by those awesome red phone booths?? Then meeting some friends of friends for birthday cocktails and then more drinks with the other lovely V from plan v. Very excited.

Well the color has died down some. Still looks awesome though. But I got to the office this morning and was told two interesting things. First, P grabbed my hand, rolled her eyes and said, "Uh oh." Apparently, there's an old wives tale that if mehndi stains lightly on your skin, your mother in law will never love you, but your husband will. If it stains dark, she will love you. Mine stained very lightly. Except on the finger, which is fairly dark. To this, P said, "Well then maybe she'll like you for a little while." I can handle that. Not terrible. "Or, maybe he'll hate you for a little while." Fuck. God I love that girl.

I thought she was screwing with me, but then someone else confirmed the tale.

The second interesting thing is that one of the women there said, "Oh, you got mehndi! It looks beautiful. Only next time you should get an Indian design." What the fuck? This isn't even an Indian design? "It's Arab. Not Indian." Goddamn it. There are billions of Indians here and I can't even find one to do my mehndi.

Then after work we headed over to pick up some artwork that my bosses ordered. While they were checking on the pieces, I fell head over heels in love with a piece and bought it for 20,000 rupees. Which I must admit it sounds awesome that I paid 20,000 for something. But it's really only around $400. Which is a great deal because the painting is gorgeous, the frame is awesome, and it includes shipping as well. I have this thing about buying and collecting art when I travel. I'll have to have it assembled once it gets home, but that's okay, I'm in love with it. Then as we were driving back to the hotel, I think we may have killed or seriously injured a dog.

There are stray dogs everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE. But I saw this one, it had a collar on, so clearly it was a pet, and it just darted in front of our car. Our driver probably only reacted because I screamed and one of my bosses shrieked. Otherwise, dogs are like cockroaches to them. Or little begging children. My boss said we did not hit the dog and it made it safely across the street to the curb, but I suspect she's lying to me. I felt a thump. And not that we don't always feel thumps, I mean, we were on a dirt road, but I'm pretty sure she was trying to spare my feelings. And the driver was super annoyed. Whatever.

Only two more days left here. I can't believe how fast it has gone. I'm excited for London though too! And then can't wait to get home to my bed and see my babies.

Yesterday I had the best tour guides ever. Two of the attorneys I work with took me around New Delhi. Because it was disgustingly hot (as in a hot I have never before felt), we did a lot of our sightseeing from the car. Which was more than fine with me. We got out and walked around a few places, went to a mall, a market, lunch, etc. The best part of the tour was that it wasn't just pointing out historical sites and giving me textbook descriptions, but I got to learn a lot about who they are. I saw where they went to college, law school, their first offices, homes, and each of the places we saw inspired a personal story. I cannot think of any other way I would have wanted to spend the day yesterday. These two individuals are some of my favorite people in the world. No joke. And don't read my blog, so I'm not just blowing smoke up their asses.

I ended up buying an Indian CD recommended by D, the music lover, an Indian DVD by P, the movie lover, a picture frame, a kurta (I think kurti is the female version?) they picked out for me, and that's about it. They also bought me two books that are must-reads.

Then last night I was so tired from our day of being out and still full from a huge breakfast and lunch I had that I skipped dinner with the bosses and opted for bubble bath, hotel robe, and movie in bed. It was awesome, and exactly what I needed and wanted. Except the only movie that was on the English station was Marley & Me. Which I vowed to never watch, and never read the book because while I can be a bit of a hard-ass, animals (especially dogs) getting older and dying is just not something I can handle. Especially on nights when I haven't seen my two dogs for almost 2 weeks. It was a recipe for disaster.

I was chanting to myself "Turn the channel, V. Just turn the channel now." But then the sweet little puppy face showed up for the first time in the movie and I was done. I was hooked and no Bollywood movie or sporadic random street dance could turn me away. I watched the movie and I won't say that I cried at the end, which I knew I would. I sobbed. As in, not cute little aww, movie tears. Nope, they were big old fat sloppy, sobbing, snotty mess tears. And I went through tons of tissues. Luckily, because of the time difference, the kennel back home was just opening up when the movie ended, so I was able to call and check in on my boys.

Then today I slept in and met the bosses downstairs for Indian breakfast - oh. my. god. It was amazing, but they just keep bringing food. And when the chef is personally preparing it for your table because your bosses are rock stars, you have to eat. And keep eating. I needed a nap after breakfast, but we went shopping instead.

I bought a bunch of gifts, actually didn't even buy anything for myself. Oh, that's not true, I bought a silk table-runner for my new dining table. I spent about a bazillion rupees today, which thankfully is only about $200. I could really do some damage if I didn't have to stop shopping every five minutes to drink a gallon of bottled water and try to stop sweating profusely.

Then I decided I wanted to get some Mehndi (a henna tattoo). We get down to the market area and apparently they all knew what I wanted because I was instantly surrounded and shown pictures and books and being tugged in ten different directions trying to get my business. I was mostly approached by handlers, a.k.a. mehndi pimps. But there were these two woman, who were absolutely gorgeous and just doing it on their own - I picked them. I'll be damned if I am going to give their hard-earned money to some random henna pimp. Anyway, she showed me a bunch of different designs, ranging from full hands/arms to simple little tattoos. In the end, I decided I wanted something moderately substantial and went for one finger and up to the forearm. I. love. it.

I was shocked at how fast she was in creating it. The whole thing took under 5 minutes and is gorgeous. It took a hell of a lot longer to dry because it was so hot and humid. Oh right, the fight. So essentially the first woman and her handler to approach me started getting into it with the second lady. Then a crowd formed and the two women were screaming at each other the entire time I was getting the mendhi. Then others joined in the screaming. I paid my rupees and ran away. I've started fights before, but that may have been the first time I've started a chick fight.

I smudged a bit because I think we all know I have ADD and can't keep my mind focused on anything for longer than 3 minutes. Also, it was outside Hanuman's Tomb. He's the monkey god and there were monkeys everywhere freaking me out. I tried to get pictures, but couldn't grab my camera from my purse without effing up my henna.

Those of you who are familiar with henna know it won't stay this dark. The dye itself has already dried and cracked off, leaving me feeling like a leper throughout the street. And now it's a lovely orange color. The issue is that I have dinner at the general counsel of our company's house this evening and desperately need to shower, but can't get my hand wet. I'm guessing there may be a blog post tomorrow about awkwardly attempting to shower and wash my hair with one hand.

Anyway, another awesome day here. Only 3 more days in the office and then I take off early Thursday morning for London. Can't wait!